IBR peer pressure

[drscott]

OK, I've decided (after minimal application of peer pressure) to go to IBR this year. I've never been, and in the past I've usually been ignored at bear events. Nothing like reverse prejudice. If I hang out long enough and drink, I'll probably fit in.

I started reading the BML around 1988 and read it for years (until it became unmanageable.) I was all for the idea (and I generally like the "bear type," and certainly bear attitudes) but as it has become more conformist it's lost a lot of its charm. It's particularly worrisome when "no pressure to be slender young hairless things" became "get bigger and fit in."

Maybe if I expound more on this topic I'l get some comments! [heh]

Comments

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

People do seem to work hard to find a reason to complain. My partner, having come out fairly recently, hates the idea of being a bear (which he is, at least by the "not a twink" definition) because everything he's seen leads him to believe bears have to be on the larger side. No amount of explaining that that's not true does any good. He definitely does not have the right attitude.

[bluedevilsf.livejournal.com]

I was part of the discussion about the negatives of the bear scene that was included in the Bears on Bears book. It's sort of a snapshot taken at a time when I was seriously questioning the whole subject and starting to become vocal about it. As I result, I think I looked somewhat whiny, ambivalent and unsure of my thoughts and feeling at the time. They were in flux.

Almost four years have passed since that discussion took place, and the conclusion I've reached is that it's best to view the bear scene simply as that: a social network that allows one to meet the sort of men one finds appealing. To give it the weight of a "community" with a common goal...well, that's just a recipe for failure and disappointment.

Take the positives one can get from it and disassociate oneself from the negatives. But above all, be civil to each other. That's how I feel about it.

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

Couldn't agree more. Incivility (mostly in the form of "you're not furthering my sexual agenda, so get out of my sight") is the source of the complaints -- both the original complaint about the outer gay community and the complaints about bear groups. One or two instances of "attitude" and you're primed to see it where it doesn't exist.

I haven't read Bears on Bears -- sounds like a useful prep for field research. I find just about everybody interesting at some level. Guys who make me think of sex at first glance are now very rare [partly because my sex drive is down, partly because I'm less interested in appearance], so if those were the only people I was willing to associate with, I'd be isolated indeed.