IBR peer pressure

[drscott]

OK, I've decided (after minimal application of peer pressure) to go to IBR this year. I've never been, and in the past I've usually been ignored at bear events. Nothing like reverse prejudice. If I hang out long enough and drink, I'll probably fit in.

I started reading the BML around 1988 and read it for years (until it became unmanageable.) I was all for the idea (and I generally like the "bear type," and certainly bear attitudes) but as it has become more conformist it's lost a lot of its charm. It's particularly worrisome when "no pressure to be slender young hairless things" became "get bigger and fit in."

Maybe if I expound more on this topic I'l get some comments! [heh]

Comments

[bluedevilsf.livejournal.com]

Some of the skinny, hairless guys get overlooked and become disillusioned at the lack of inclusiveness.

Some of the musclebears don't like being lumped in with bears in general because they don't want to be perceived as fat or out-of-shape by others.

Some in the bear crowd resent the musclebears over that perception.

*Y A W N*

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

People do seem to work hard to find a reason to complain. My partner, having come out fairly recently, hates the idea of being a bear (which he is, at least by the "not a twink" definition) because everything he's seen leads him to believe bears have to be on the larger side. No amount of explaining that that's not true does any good. He definitely does not have the right attitude.

[bluedevilsf.livejournal.com]

I was part of the discussion about the negatives of the bear scene that was included in the Bears on Bears book. It's sort of a snapshot taken at a time when I was seriously questioning the whole subject and starting to become vocal about it. As I result, I think I looked somewhat whiny, ambivalent and unsure of my thoughts and feeling at the time. They were in flux.

Almost four years have passed since that discussion took place, and the conclusion I've reached is that it's best to view the bear scene simply as that: a social network that allows one to meet the sort of men one finds appealing. To give it the weight of a "community" with a common goal...well, that's just a recipe for failure and disappointment.

Take the positives one can get from it and disassociate oneself from the negatives. But above all, be civil to each other. That's how I feel about it.

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

Couldn't agree more. Incivility (mostly in the form of "you're not furthering my sexual agenda, so get out of my sight") is the source of the complaints -- both the original complaint about the outer gay community and the complaints about bear groups. One or two instances of "attitude" and you're primed to see it where it doesn't exist.

I haven't read Bears on Bears -- sounds like a useful prep for field research. I find just about everybody interesting at some level. Guys who make me think of sex at first glance are now very rare [partly because my sex drive is down, partly because I'm less interested in appearance], so if those were the only people I was willing to associate with, I'd be isolated indeed.

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

*nods* It's been my observation that in any group of people, some sort of social stratification must occur. I don't know if it's human nature to want to be "better" than someone else or not...it just seems that any time a group breaks off to recognize itself as valid, the people within that group just set up the same-old-same-old.

*shrugs* I'd say go and have fun and play Marlin Perkins...observing bears on the prowl can be a helluva lot of fun.

[orange-groves.livejournal.com]

I second that motion! (g)

[bluedevilsf.livejournal.com]

See my response to dr_scott. :)

You bring up a good point. The idealist in me wishes that we can be civil and inclusive in these matters, but the realist in me knows it just isn't possible. Call me cynical, but it just isn't human nature.

My entering into a relationship really allowed me to look on the subject of beardom from a different point of view. I'm not as down on it as I was when the Bears on Bears discussion took place. I think I'm able to enjoy the scene a little more as an observer and differently than I did when I was single. Still, the bear scene is not something of which I consider myself an active member.

Noticed in your LJ that you're a member of AGMC. How cool! When I lived in the Midwest, I was a member of the Gateway Men's Chorus (St. Louis), and we did a joint concert with AGMC both in Atlanta and in St. Louis. It was such a fun time!

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

Call me cynical, but it just isn't human nature.

I'm right there beside you on the cynical bench, then....

Noticed in your LJ that you're a member of AGMC. How cool! When I lived in the Midwest, I was a member of the Gateway Men's Chorus (St. Louis), and we did a joint concert with AGMC both in Atlanta and in St. Louis. It was such a fun time!


That IS cool! Of course, I think that happened before I became a member (3 years ago), but joint ventures like that are always fantastic. AGMC did a performance with Turtle Creek Chorale out of Dallas last year, and it was fabulous. ;) I hear SFGMC is good, too..guess I'll find out at GALA this year. :)

[bluedevilsf.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, it was definitely before your time in the chorus. We're talking at least 10 years ago. We did the Turtle Creek Choral's When We No Longer Touch. We performed in Atlanta and then a month or so later, the Atlanta guys came to St. Louis and we performed it there.

Gosh, I wish I could remember the last name of the guy who hosted me in Atlanta; he stayed with my family when AGMC came to St. Louis. His first name is Michael, and as far as I know, he still lives in Atlanta and is still a member. Very nice guy. We kept in touch for a while and then kinda drifted.

[orange-groves.livejournal.com]

But sweetheart, musclebears are gods. Aren't they? No?

[excessor.livejournal.com]

Yes, darling, musclebears are gods. But they're not the only gods. There are also the hairless musclemen gods, the jesus-christ-what-a-great-kisser! gods, the nipgods, and various permutations among them. One of my favorites are the no-hamstrings gods, but that's just me.

Other Gods

[orange-groves.livejournal.com]

Oh I forgot about those! WHEW You are making me sweaty at work.

[bluedevilsf.livejournal.com]

Of course...have you given your steroid tithe for the month, dear?