Incendiary topic

[drscott]

From email:

You're getting at one of my pet peeves -- no one is obligated to be attracted to anyone, to have sex, or even to explain why they don't feel like it. Anyone who insinuates otherwise is off my list of people I'm civil to. I got just about enough of this crap when I was young to last a lifetime. The apparently still widespread "he didn't want to have sex with me so he must have 1) internalized homophobia 2) HIV phobia 3) a perfect-body fixation 4) cockteasing tendencies" is a sign of immaturity no matter how old the person expressing it is.

Comments

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

Though I agree in theory and intellectually with the author, I must admit that is not my course of action sometimes. Obviously, there is NO pressure for anyone to have sex with another. To say there is would be ludicrous. However, I often feel pressure to -- and indeed, do -- provide some sort of explanation when I turn someone down. I think that's a product of my culture more than anything else (politeness over all else, self-fellings be damned), and I certainly wouldn't recommend it as a course of action.

A simple no is, by far, the best way to go -- and only provide the explanation if you wish.

Exactly

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

I was raised to be a gentleman and so in some ways, some kind of polite way out is the best, even if a simple no.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be) just saying no isn't enough for some.

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

The pressure to explain as a courtesy is there, and if someone has behaved well I do the same. What I react against is a DEMAND for an explanation, or a refusal to believe the explanation tendered.

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

*nods* The harder someone pushes, the harder you resist?

Oh, yeah. I'm right there with ya in many, many ways.