Brief respite

[drscott]

I've been quiet this week. The weekend was booked solid with tasks and events (Friday: Mark and John's for dinner, Saturday: ECR picnic and dance with Howard Richman, Sunday afternoon pool hangout with Mark and John again. excessor covered these things nicely so I don't have to. I will add that it was nice talking with robearal who came down from SF for the dance.

I'm frustrated by the lack of progress I'm making. I can barely keep up with the house maintenance, shopping, paperwork, etc., much less carve out time to do anything else. I had wanted to pursue my writing, and perhaps farm out some web-based business ideas to some young friends who like to do web programming, but I make no progress and I feel like I am letting people down. I do manage to spend a lot of time reading, but if I don't start to write back, I'll be a black hole of knowledge. The recent reminders of mortality tend to step up the feeling of pressure.

So I'm 49 now, and it doesn't get any easier. I've succeeded in that I threw off dependence on the job market, and I barely have to watch my investments to generate a decent living. But my shoulder has been unstable for months, and it seems likely that I will never surpass last summer's fitness level. As my time spent on exercise has dropped to about 60% of what I used to manage, my blood pressure has risen to borderline hypertension (which is not surprising since it runs in the family -- my male relatives have mostly died in their 50s of heart attacks.) I can't run any distance without something aching (back, knees, whatever); 6-7 years ago I ran up to 15 miles every other day. My leg press is stuck at #860 and everything seems harder; there is no joy in it, no vroom feeling of euphoria in exertion. I avoid looking at anyone and hope to just survive until the next challenge.

Comments

[foodpoisoningsf.livejournal.com]

Big Fat Caveat: I don't exercise, and I'm not interested in it. That said...

One of the things I've learned at the ripe old age of 53 is that it's very hard to challenge oneself and the "old" ways of doing things. You've been very successful with running and weights, but maybe it's time to move on to things like yoga and piliates. What I'm really saying is that you may want to set aside goals that no longer suit you. Which, BTW, is what's on my mind these days, in other areas.

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

It has been interesting to watch a really extreme case: one of the gym trainers, who used steroids and other drugs extensively to build himself into a mountain of muscle, nearly killed himself doing so and is off the drugs. He's shrunk to about 2/3 of his former size. I wonder what that feels like? If I were to take up Pilates/yoga/etc., my form would change substantially and I'd no longer be noticed in a crowd. Not that I want to be, but it was nice having people pay attention to me for a change.

But the physical stuff is just a side-issue. My real gripe is with my lack of productivity elsewhere. I don't even spend much time online any more, and yet I seem to have even less time.

[fuzzygruf.livejournal.com]

For progress, you probably should make some firm commitment. Like going to a class. Like the Midnight Squares Advanced class starting October 16th. *giggle*

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

You're the very definition of a one-track mind! or is that a "Track 2" mind? And actually if ECR gets its planned A class going, we'll probably take it.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

You're still a handsome young pup to me:)! I'm going through some of the same feelings. I hear you. HUGS!

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

Hugs back. Enjoy your rest. And I am feeling better already -- thrilling accomplishments like cleaning the shower helped!

[beastbriskett.livejournal.com]

You may be annoyed that you're not getting done what you think you should, but it all evens out. You're on top of things, and I'm sure you'll find a way to finish.
Aren't your physical benchmarks kind of arbitrary? You've obviously worked hard to achieve your present state, but if your body is giving you warnings, listen to it. Back off a little, and concentrate on mainenance and a rounded routine to prevent further injury. You're in it for the long haul, after all.

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

I was hoping maintenance mode would keep me in shape, not start a precipitous and obvious decline. :-) But maintenance is what I'm aiming for. Now if only I could buckle down and get other stuff done, like you just did!

And BTW, Happy Birthday Hugs to ya. You're a sweetie.